Splash Mountain Does Not Need a Retheme | Assessment & Counterargument

An offensive mistake

Point of clarification: I, the author of this article, am an African-American man. Creole, specifically.

Splash Mountain needs no introduction as it has stood unbothered and beloved by many for thirty-three years in its first location as of now.

The attraction tells the tale of African-American folklore icon, Br'er (brother) Rabbit, and his plan to leave the briar patch in favor of his laughing place because "there ain't no trouble there." However, Brother Rabbit learns that he cannot outsmart his carnivorous foes, Br'er Fox and Br'er Bear for long and must use his quick-thinking to escape the former's clutches. This is where those spectacular briars come into play once more.

Princess and the Frog was not very memorable to me. I did enjoy the animal sidekicks, but that is about it. The story is one that I have seen many times before: Guy and girl duo go on a wacky adventure and end up together by the end, this time in brown packaging.

Disney claims that the company spoke of a retheme for the attraction in 2019, a year before the height of Black Lives Matter protests, but I do not buy it. Why would Disney wish (ba dum tis) to retheme a popular attraction that many people come to their parks specifically to ride? A ride so popular that is has sparked online petitions for its preservation? It makes no logic sense.

Disneyland's Tower of Terror getting a retheme made sense because Disney did not wish to renew their contract with CBS every time it expired and they have had the rights to Marvel's productions since 2009. That is two birds with one scone.

This is obviously a publicity stunt to get goodwill with those who believe that Black Americans are victims, so much so that a ride about southern cartoon animals who teach the moral of "running away from your problems does more harm than good" is offensive. How is it not more offensive for Disney to get rid of one ride that features southern elements with African folk characters with another ride that features a Black woman in a good light? Sounds like pandering to me. I personally do not need handouts. I need not think something is bad due to the history surrounding it. (If you want to play that game, then fine. How did Tiana's people get to the Americas? Guess we must boycott this upcoming ride because the slave trade had a hand in that.)

When people go on Splash Mountain, they do not think about making fun of black southerners. People do not look for racism in the cartoony animals. They go for the vivid colors and silly scenarios. If we must rid of things that have a controversial history, then that means plenty more things are off limits. I speak of cotton, coffee, chocolate, and a variety of vegetables. Guess who helped harvest these crops? Guess who still consumes these foods and wears these textiles. Unless you avoid all but fair trade versions of all these crops, you have no argument. Even then, you would still want to avoid them because enslaved blacks harvested them in the past.

Finally, Black Americans are not portrayed poorly in Splash Mountain. Enslaved Black Africans did not speak English. Collectively, they spoke a variety of native African languages with different dialects. They had to be taught English by white settlers in the South. This means that enslaved blacks adopted the dialects of the people who taught them English, a white language. While the eye dialect of the Uncle Remus stories is annoying and totally unnecessary, the more coherent southern dialect(s) heard in the ride and Song of the South are not offensive, and if they are, then plenty of modern day "whites" should be offended as well. (Seriously, what is with the anti-white rhetoric? Does anyone remember who ended slavery? Whites were not unified on the topic.) Also, yes SotS does portray Reconstruction-Era Southern United States as a walk in the park compared to what it really was, but I will not fault the movie too much because if the racial tension was played straight, the argument would go from "this movie is unrealistic, the whites hated those blacks," to "Oh my god! Disney made a movie about hating black people! What a racist company!" This is the same film company that made family-friendly versions of many fairy tales that originally had dark endings often for the protagonists. Get real.

This retheme idea is insulting. "Here, black people, have a success story featuring your people because there is nothing you can enjoy about a flume ride featuring entirely-African characters whose tales teach valuable life lessons all while singing merrily and getting into wacky situations." - Some Disney Executive, probably.